Three's Company Theme Song of the Human Spirit

This dream is beyond explanation. It's from September of 2002.

This was originally posted on Clinton Nixon's collaborative weblog, Dogpile.

I dreamed I worked at a radio station. Me and a co-worker weren't too happy with the station's format, so we arranged a super-secret meeting with a competing station to hear job offers from them. The meeting couldn't have been that secret, since we met in my current station's parking lot during lunch and the guy who wanted to interview us pulled up in a van with his (our competitor's) call letters and number painted on the side. You know, like one of those vans they use when they broadcast from an auto dealership or something?

Anyway, they offered me a job as a station manager at a classic '70s rock station and my friend was going to be the DJ. We agreed, even though my friend knew nothing about Grand Funk, CCR, KISS, and other classic 70s bands.

The first day of work went pretty well at first. I had to go to a high school to give a talk on radio, leaving my friend behind to play music on his own. I told him, "Just play old stuff that reminds you of the 70s."

As I was driving to the school, I tuned to my station. For some reason, we were playing the theme song Three's Company. I figured the DJ was just being whacky, and let it go.

Until the song ended. Then started up again. My DJ had decided to endlessly loop the theme song because, as he explained later, it was easier than having to pick a new song every three or four minutes.

When I got to the high school, there was a riot in progress. Apparently, someone had decided to pipe out station over the school PA system in honor of my visit. The Three's Company theme song must have struck a chord, because the students were going apeshit. I was lucky to escape with my life.

Driving back to the station, I witnessed another riot in progress. There was a huge mass of super alternative looking people (mowhawks, three foot tall platform shows, all sorts of weird stuff) outside in a mob, totally getting down to the Three's Company tune.

When I got inside, I sat down with our DJ, and we decided that the people had spoken: the Three's Company theme song was the music of the people, a theme song not simply for a TV show but for the soul of man. So we left it on repeat.

Later, aliens attacked the station in an effort to stop the endless Three's Company loop, but many of our fans gave their lives to prevent that from happening. The aliens got their asses kicked, even Boba Fett.

Before I woke up, I think we tried to get John Ritter to come down to the station to address the crowd. I was curious to see if they'd worship him. Unfortunately, the alien battleship had crashed into our parking lot, so we had to take care of that first.